(Jenny, Tommy and Ariel are standing in a semi-circle around a small table or stool. It is dark. They are wearing all black. All look extremely nervous. The MC steps out of the shadows and begins)

MC: To perform this most evil and wicked of all spells, wait until the next full moon…

Jenny: Wait, it says full moon?

Tommy: Yeah…

Jenny: Um, this is so not going to work!

Ariel: Shut you face, Jenny!

Jenny: My name is Raven!

MC: then climb to the nearest hilltop late at night. If you live somewhere totally flat, you can just get on the roof of a mini-mart instead.

Ariel: Tommy…we’re in your basement. Satan won’t be able to see us in here.

Tommy: Satan is underground, stupid, he can see us.

MC:At the stroke of midnight,

Jenny: Um, my mom says I have to be in bed by ten.

Ariel: Do you want to bring about the apocalypse and be Satan’s handmaiden for eternity or not?

Tommy: Jesus, Jenny, make some sacrifices.

Jenny: My name is Raven!

MC: present the Dark Prince with a live, sacrificial goldfish

Tommy: (pulls out some goldfish crackers) Sorry. The pet store was closed today.

Jenny: (shrugs) Close enough. Satan like totally knows how devoted we are anyway.

Ariel: Can we just get on with this? You start.

MC: Chant:

Jenny: (apprehensive, moves forward from the group) LUCIFER!
I invoke thy hallowed and majorly sexy name
Unspoken for millennia
except by those of us who are down with your scene.
No name can compare to yours
not even "Luther" or "Garth"

Tommy: For yours is the name that will unlock the chains of order
And bring about the Apocalypse.
And make the rivers run red with blood
like totally thick Kool-Aid
And the moon rupture and explode
like the poison-filled zits
with which I shall smote my enemies.

Ariel: And at your right hand I shall crouch
polishing your beautiful cubic zirconium rings
with my hot and bothered exhalations.
HAIL LUCIFER!
DESTROY THE WORLD!

MC: Swallow the goldfish. And as your nefarious stomach juices devour the sacrifice, prepare yourself for the coming of His Majesty - SATAN! He can take many forms, a giant crab or a tornado of fire, or even a tidal wave of blood! Congratulations for bringing about the end of the world. That's totally wicked awesome!